Destroying Giants: Complete at the Cross

I have been blessed to be a part of the Stressed-Less Living (Tracie Miles) bible study group through Melissa Taylor and Tammy Burgess- FB Group 36 Leader in the Proverbs 31 Ministries .  This week’s topic is facing the giants in our lives. God is prompting me to share His “perfect prophetic timing,” as our hearts have been so heavy of late with the tragic events unleashed amidst us. I am going to speak in first person, but if you want to jump on board and be vulnerable with me in a comment… Please share back!

Giants paralyze our hearts and the enemy uses those giants to play head games. The giant of the week is, “how can such tragedy unfold amidst the innocent?” The enemy whispers…DO NOT participate in your OBS blog because you should feel guilty continuing to seek and grow in Christ amidst the tragic losses of late in Oklahoma and Texas. I have spent the week pouring my heart out to The Lord. I know the real giant in my life (my dad’s death and the events surrounding it) and I have yet to even approach it.

I must say, the Lord is SO FAITHFUL, though! In my devotion this morning, He gave me two very simple words, His words…. UNFAILING LOVE. This phrase appears 121 times in the NLT Bible.

Are you open to receiving His unfailing love? “Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life. I will make an everlasting covenant with you. I will give you all the UNFAILING LOVE promised to David.” (Isaiah 55:3)

If you are, simply reach up to Him. He never leaves your side. He patiently awaits your call to Him. 'Lord, as I lift my soul to you in complete surrender, bring Word of your UNFAILING LOVE. I trust you to show me the way.' Psalm 143:8 (Paraphrased as my daily prayer)

There is no distinct point where my mourning stops for those who have lost property, lives and even hope and where moving forward begins. However, I am going to push down the whispers of the enemy and trust God who is bigger than my finite brain and God who is not logical...the God I put in my own “logical box,” as if He is limited. Hear me now... HIS FAITHFULNESS is proven time and time again and His sovereign majesty defies all logic. Look at Gideon through the eyes of a trumpet and the power of God to defeat an army. There is NO logic in that!

I trust You, Lord, and ask you NOT to help me conquer the giants in my life that defeat my heart and hold me back from running into your arms. Those giants that tie my tongue to keep me out of relationship with you….RATHER…. I trust you to LET ME KNOW there is NO NEED to conquer the giants of my life BECAUSE You, Lord, have already defeated them for me at the Cross.

To all my friends in Christ...
Prayers for WHATEVER your heart is feeling today, sweet friends. May all that is “true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable,” be anointed in you today. “Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praising HIM.” Philippians 4:8

ENCOUNTER HIS PRESENCE and ALLOW HIS HANDS to ORCHESTRATE YOUR LIFE!

Identity Idols

Thank you for awaiting my time out of the abyss! It is good to be blogging again. Over the last couple of months, I have begun a process of healing and restoration. I have received affirmation that my writing is impactful for His glorification and not birthed out of selfish motives. I have discovered that JOY is NOT something to be FOUND by changing, rather, it is a by-product of worshipping Jesus. That being said, have you ever looked up during your life and realized you have defined yourself by events that have left you joyless?

According to II Corinthians 3:18- "And we all, with an unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." You know you are reborn; however, you have chosen to chase idols of man which held the veil in place so as not to reveal your identity in Christ. I say this from personal experience, not a theological premise.

Since my dad died four years ago, I have been on a very destructive path in my life. Attempting change who I really am, I got lost in the idols that have held me captive for years. Idols are not necessarily a visible objects that we worship instead of God. They are not always wrapped up in the mighty dollar, the career, your looks, the Proverbs 31 wife, etc. The objects of our worship are sometimes our own inadequacies that feed the enemy in such a way that he as authority over our hearts, our minds and our destiny.

I looked up at 45 years of age and realized that I am fat, ugly, an inadequate wife and mother. A manager of home, work and self driven by a red button that goes off when order is shaken. If a situation opposed my belief, I FAILED. Soon I became a daughter drenched in the guilt of not being able to "fix" my mom's situation, my marriage, the heart break and health issues running rampant in my immediate family. I did not "like" others because I hated myself so much. Isolation was my friend and hate of self a potential deadly end. More than that, I was solely responsible for my dad's unforgiveness so I must not be worthy of God's forgiveness.

The enemy takes your thoughts to so many places...keep up the destructive eating patterns, the emotional outbursts, the legalistic performance expectations, the constant failure at doing your job, running away from friendships, sabotaging relationships and finally the VOICE of the enemy... hold tight to your own sense of control with all your might because a single moment of relinquishing control means you will spiral to your own emotional meltdown with no recovery in sight.

Even though we were steadily attending an amazing church, the temporary moments of being full of His love faded to the nothingness of self. Realizing the depths of my despair and my unwillingness to move, God began to orchestrate a reunion of redemption and the trade of idol worship for surrender. A single email, revealing a broken self, began a series of connections to the right women and bible studies to get me to this point. Believe me, the journey is just beginning. For once, I do see this as a journey to be experienced and not a destination to death.

So how does one even recognize that idols exist? I give credit to three women that God has used in His relentless pursuit of returning me to His feet as I share with you the steps to start your own progress...


ASK: "how is what you are currently doing working for you?" If you find anything but freedom and joy in your answer, you are wrapped up in identity idol lies. The only way to refute a lie is through truth. The truth is found in the Word and in Christ, as they are one in the same. John 1: 14 - 18 summarized... The Word, Jesus, became flesh and dwelt among us. The law (legalism and performance) came through man, Grace and Truth came through Jesus. So, Jesus and the Word are one and both are Truth.

SURRENDER: Acknowledge that you have NO CONTROL. Give it to Jesus daily. Ask Him, through the Holy Spirit, to reveal the sources of your idol identity lies so that you can revisit them in truth. REFUTE the enemy so he is no longer in your head whispering or even screaming the lies at you.


BIBLE TRUTHS: Find 4-5 permanent, solid scriptures that sum up listening, trusting and dependence on God for EVERYTHING. Repeat them every morning and throughout the day. Mine are found in Psalm Chapters: 33, 40 and 143.


SUPPORT: Use others to work with you in evaluating your own circumstance, particularly those who know "what that should look like." Don't be afraid to open up. God wants us to be secure in Him through community so that we can recognize and assist others who have lost their identity in Him to return to the "fullness of Him!" It took me 46 years to OPEN UP! Don't wait. Time is fleeting.

How has this played out for me? The first memory of my identity in Christ being stolen occurred two years after I was saved. At 6, I was "sugar and spice and everything joyfully nice." I was a cute little blond who was a participant in The Little Miss Longview Pageant. By the age of 8, however, my mom had 6 miscarriages and ultimately a hysterectomy. I was reminded regularly that the family needed a brother or sister to be "whole." Her guilty expression of not being able to provide that planted the lie in my head...Just one of me is not good enough for her. Compounding that, my 2nd grade teacher, Billie Jordan, let my mom know in front of me, "I was a spoiled brat only child who would never amount to anything in life," simply because I used a bought 'heart shaped' valentines box to decorate for the contest rather than a shoe box that we did not have at home. My parents moved to Tyler shortly there after which was a catalyst to the fire that was already ignited.


Here are the LIES, compounded by tragic events and a dysfunctional childhood that dictated EVERY fiber of my life from age 8 to 45:

I am not good enough, I feel inferior, I am rejected, I am unlovable, I am unwanted, I am alone, I have no confidence- so I must not be able to reach God.

Eating disorders, a life alone in my room, countless absences from school, jumping through performance hoops academically just to be good at something ruled my legalistic actions, intimacy deficiencies, personality disorders, anxiety...and the list goes on and on. My dad told me I could never trust anyone but myself. I was not churched as a young child, as my salvation was a revival experience with a neighbor. I never EMBRACED God. I searched for Him desperately during my high school and early college years but I had no idea that SURRENDER was the key. I sang in the choir, led people to the God I never knew and did all of the "good things" that people see on the surface while sabatoging my entire life ahead.

God WAS there, though, every step of the way. He put adults or opportunities in my path along the way to "get me through life." His GRACE kept me from pulling the trigger on a gun to my head when I was a junior in high school. A teacher walked me through a two year survival guide until I could make my escape. Amazingly, I graduated at the top of my class...just because I spent countless hours in my room to NOT be in the presence of anyone. I left home, went to college, married, had kids and BURIED it all. I was able to do that for nearly 5 years. Burying everything spews up evil all around you. It is the seed that binds generational sin together. It takes on a new life when you expand your family and then it sneaks up on you when you are half way through your life and screams at you: YOU ARE NOTHING!


Here are the TRUTHS, protected by the WORD, redeemed at the CROSS and currently a work in progress for me:

I am perfect in Christ, God designed me for His purpose, because God loves me- I am His, I am wanted and adopted by Christ, God has not and will never leave me...even if I stray from Him, I have access to God every moment of every day.


I have forgiven Billie Jordan and released her to God. I have so many more things to address in this process. Since my day of SURRENDER not long ago, I am on an eating plan and I do not CRAVE food as comfort. I seek Him amidst my conflict and I have the authority to get Satan out of my head at every turn. THE ONLY focus necessary to redeem your past and to live in the fullness of what Christ wants you to be in the present is to praise and worship Him in every measure. Even when your heart is full of holes with circumstance adding a new one each day.... Simply say, THANK YOU LORD for the strife because He carried EVERY pain to the cross and felt every ounce of it for EVERYONE there at His death. If pain means I am closer to Him to get through it, then He is molding me into someone new, one filled hole at a time. He sent a Comforter to be ours and ours alone to interact with Him daily. Just look to others and see Him in them. Please know I fall daily and this is not a magical "Liz is now amazingly joyful and life is great," moment...I just know the reality of "how this is working for me." TODAY is so much better than yesterday and that is all I can ask. One day at a time... Idol Identity Lies traded in for Who I AM in CHRIST... just a perspective from a woman who lives upside down in HIS grace every single day.  

Lifted Up!

I was challenged to write a blog for Melissa Taylor's On-Line Bible Study over the book Greater, by Steven Furtick.   Melissa's website is found at MelissaTaylor.org.  The topic of discussion I chose this week is...  Lifted Up!  Steven asks us to consider what has lifted us up to be great"er."  This can be a person or even a scripture.

If you are reading this blog post, you will want to read an earlier post at my blog spot called "Points of Grace."   You will also want to follow the link to House On Oak Street later.  I can honestly say my journey to this Bible study and book, Greater, has been a series of divine interventions leading me to consider where I am in my "Lesser Loser Life" and to reflect upon my viewpoint of my own FAITH in this moment.

A few months ago, I subscribed to a ladies Yahoo group at church.  Upon signing up, I was asked why I wanted to join the group.  Thinking it was an email group for prayer and other sharing, among my elaborate outpouring of who I am in a 250 word limitation, I used the words..."I am broken."   Kaye, a ladies group leader and "one of a few" administrators of the Yahoo group replied to me personally stating that we are all broken.  She found me that Sunday in church and introduced herself to me.  It was after that that the Unglued bible study was offered at church where we studied and shared challenges and praises as discussed the principles and life lessons presented by author, Lysa TerKeurst.   That led me to Proverbs31 Ministries, then to Melissa Taylor On-Line and finally the Greater study!     All POINTS of GRACE along my journey. 

So what is it about Kaye that lifted me up to be greater?  The image above is on her blog@ houseonoakstreet.com.  Note:  Be Grateful.  This is a frame where she took plywood and painted it with chalk paint.  She shares HIS blessings on it through each season.  Kaye is a lady that has not given up on me (nor many others I am sure) during my struggles.  I have shared with her very raw, real and ugly details about my feelings, my story, my inadequacies and where I am as I seek JOY.   She continues to redirect me in doing away with the thoughts that are held captive by the enemy.  The Bible passages, the book suggestions, the constant attention to TRUTHS are all there for me as I look to her and focus on my accountability, prayer and requests to HIM.    Kaye is among the GreatEST!   

2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to HIM.

Steven discusses being the guy "who has had to tangle with insecurities so ugly that some days they make (him) feel like (he is) not even a Christian..."  He goes on to discuss the systematic "sabotage of Gods plan for your life and God's purposes in the world."    I can only say that GOD has brought me to this place, where I stand as who I am.  Getting beyond the self-hate and realizing I'm OK to be used by HIM is a process of obedience, truth and a battle fought in the mind.

I am not sure how it will play out, as Kaye asks me so often "what does that look like?"  I fumble across words that make sense, but honestly I do not have a CLUE what my purpose for Christ looks like.  What the Holy Spirit IN ME feels like.  How to be the LIGHT and JOY that others see.  I am scared that if I can't picture it, I can't achieve it.  AND that I'm not good enough FOR IT.

So this is my prayer...   May HE continue to challenge me, to guide me, and may HE give strength to the Kaye's of the world who would love to be able to just pound into my head...  Don't you just get it?  It really is that simple!

Blessings amidst the storms bring on the sunshine.  What a blessing it is that God LIFTED ME UP with KAYE.  One day, I will pay it forward...I just have to be healthy enough spiritually in the LORD to make the difference for someone.

 

Chains that Bind

The other morning I was walking our 70 pound Golden Retriever in our neighborhood. She has a 20-foot leash to give her room to roam while abiding by the leash law.  Maggie's favorite part of the walk is along the park.  We had been walking for 1.5 miles, typically the point where she slows down and is worn out.  On this particular day, a squirrel crossed her path.  She burst into a run towards it with an unmatched and uncontained energy.  She abruptly stopped when reaching the end of her leash, knowing her limit had been met; however, she pulled and pulled, not listening to my command to halt and leave it.  She was in a tireless PURSUIT of that which she loved- a squirrel.  She yanked me along the path, towards the tree.  Her attention was on everything squirrel.  I finally distracted her to the point where we could continue our walk home. 

I immediately heard a voice whisper to me, "do you pursue Me with the same passion as Maggie chasing after the squirrel?"  Of course, I had to answer it in shame.  I DO NOT.  I had to ask myself what the pursuit of Christ must look like to Him when it is done adequately by individuals.  I jumped to comparisons and excuses.  There are women in my circle who are way BEYOND the foundational understanding of Him.  They already know the measures of a Grace filled life with prayer, The Word, the daily steps to begin in Him and to walk with Him.  I WANT THAT.  I then went to all of the "if only's" in my own life.  If only I did not have a demanding full time job, a disabled mom, kids who were on the go, an attempted balance at being a good mom, wife and career woman, where I fail at every turn because I am a jack of all trades and a master of nothing.  It is like I am SO BOUND to the "busy"ness of the present and the guilt of an unforgiving past that my pursuit of Him is but a blip in my day.  I am chained by a 20 foot leash and my own selfishness is the master of my soul which holds me back from reaching His Cross daily and TOUCHING the INFINITE LOVE of Him.  I simply want to feel Him, to know Him, to love Him, to pursue Him with tireless energy.

Chains that bind...how do we break them?  It is like His grasp is so very close, yet we are pulled back to our boundaries of the world and we just can't hear Him, feel Him, REALLY know Him!   Pursuit of Christ should NOT be during the breaks of life.  Doing life should be breaks between the Pursuit of Christ. 

I am in a Bible study where Priscilla Shirer talks about how we place all of our perceptions, knowledge and experiences about God in a box.  We then place a lid on that box and "compartmentalize Him."  It is our limitation.   We live our lives based upon the three dimensional closed off view of Him. I don't see it the same as Priscilla.   I see God as EVERYTHING outside of the box and ME in the box.  Bounded by walls, enclosed in the dark, tirelessly kicking at the walls to break them, with a glimpse of Him through the tattered cardboard over time as others are looking in on me. I WANT a box with no lid!

Matthew West sings a song called, Forgiveness.  The lyrics weigh on my mind regularly. I've turned his lyrics into reflection, adding my own rendition of thoughts at the end of each line as I lean into Christ and ask Him to set me free from the battlefield of the mind.  I am responsible for allowing the enemy to keep me tied down.  This battlefield of the mind will crumble under the test of time and JOY in HIM will reveal itself...one day.

I do not want to be the prisoner of self.  I want to let His Mercy hold me and praise Him for creating me...I just have to learn to forgive me, to love me, to even like me!

Matthew West - Forgiveness ...

Forgiveness

It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable (I'm unlovable)

Show me how to reach the unreachable (I'm unreachable)

Help me now to do the impossible (Break these Chains that Bind)

Forgiveness

I end this blog with I Peter 1:8.  It is the scripture I carry with me daily in my pursuit of JOY in His mercy, His Love, His Grace:
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy...

May anyone who is bound seek His Grace with me and understand the fullness of His love and His ability that which is beyond measure.  My prayer for you is that you see it too; that you feel Him, know Him, love Him and seek Him in an unbound tireless pursuit and that JOY is there for you when you reach Him too.

Be Still

One of two young boys was in the doctor’s office while my son was awaiting his appointment this week.  Shortly after being called back, we heard the six year old crying and exclaiming he did not want a shot.  The cries became yelling screams and the office staff was bewildered as if an untamable spirit was in the room.  We heard the youngster running around the room, beating the walls upon each round, continuing to scream in his attempt to run away. 

Clearly, I heard “RUNAWAY” as I pondered his situation.  Within a thirty-minute period, the two boys returned into the waiting room as if nothing occurred and everything was “fixed.”

When my son and I went back to see the doctor, we started discussing the activities of the little boy.  The doctor stated that eventually his dad held him in a tight hold.  Once he was still, it took two seconds to administer the shot and his response was, “it was really that easy?  I’m not going to be sick?”

“STILL,” I heard it…the whisper above the white noise in my head.  Psalm 46:10- “Be still and know that I am God.” 

We all go through times where we are just like that little boy.  The RUNAWAY moments may not be physically running from something.  Runaway thoughts are often times more exhausting and dangerous than the physical act of running.  When circumstances are strong holds that cause you to flee, it is important to know that you are running from Grace.   Simply STOP amidst the winds that are ripping through your heart and let Mercy hold you.

BE STILL

RUNAWAY moments that roll into days

Thoughts held HOSTAGE shaking one’s faith

Overwhelming FAILURE repeatedly plays

Hopelessly “GIVING in” to the enemy’s scheming ways

Moments of STILLNESS beneath the Tree of Life

Clinging to the CROSS amidst the noise, the fear, the strife

PRAYERFUL whispers, cast upon leaves in the Wind

Steadfast in FAITH, they find their way to Him

He will move this MOUNTAIN if in the VALLEY you fall

To your knees in praise for the STRIFE in your walk

Praising Him in GLORY for the good, the bad, the all

His LOVE will meet you there; all you have to do is call

Point of Grace

Life is a series of significant "points" along a super highway, a graceful winding road, or the road less traveled.  Often times, the road is navigated by our own free will.  Is it "choice" that determines the "point" of our diversion? Dare we yield to Him?  

The other day I was headed to work.  Somehow, the highway I drive daily blurred before me and my thoughts were taken captive.  I missed my exit.  Taken off guard, I had to navigate back to a familiar road.  In a moment of frustration, it hit me.  How many times have we allowed ourselves to be held captive and missed the exit that Christ designed for us?   Thoughts poured into my head so quickly that I had to pull over and write these words:  Point of Grace.

I see so many people with JOY and immersed in Him and I secretly whisper, "God, I want that."  Their path is pure.  Mine is destructive.  I have uttered the words to my husband, "May we please sell our home and move into a very small home so we can simply breathe again?"  I would quit my job and pour my heart into PEOPLE rather than processes and management.  I would volunteer at the church and school and visit old people in nursing homes.  I would seek Him with FREEDOM in my day and replace the hectic complexities of speed and distraction with the simplicity of "breathing again."  

Everyone has a story to tell... a POINT in their lives filled with tragedy, shame, despair, contempt, hopelessness, pride, selfishness, guilt (and the list goes on).  They missed an exit or the road was suddenly closed.  They wandered into the darkness on a road less traveled.  Each unexpected path a small diversion for most, a lifetime of detours for others and sadly, a dead end for a few.  How then do these diversions become a POINT of GRACE? 

A series of GRACE filled events led me to a recent women's life group where revelations in my life began to unfold. God is so great.  He placed a loving friend in my life to whom I can be accountable; one who extends grace to me and who is teaching me how to yield to Him.  In this process, I determined the last major point at which I did not YIELD, missing the exit that placed me on this current road less traveled.  My dad died of cancer four years ago this December.  Exhaustive "effort" left our relationship without reconciliation and forgiveness.  I can't elaborate on the destructive path that began there, but here is the POINT of GRACE:  The end of me and total surrender to HIM.
Note:  I am still awaiting His revelation on this one.  I TRUST Him, though.  

While I accepted Christ as a child, I am just NOW learning, at 46, the word SURRENDER. There are NO U-TURNS in this journey.  It is simply the trust in HIM, knowing that He is SOVEREIGN in our lives. He knows when we take control and when we allow Him to navigate our hearts.  He stands at the door, all we have to do is open it each day. 

Have you missed your exit? simply pull over and think on this:  What POINT of GRACE is He revealing to you?  ASK and then LISTEN for direction.  How can I count this detour as Joy?  I TRUST You, God, that You know the end and the means to the end and irregardless of the loose gravel, the pot holes, the depths of despair, count it all as JOY.  Every moment of navigation through the dark is as an opportunity for people to see YOUR light through it.  When the storms inhibit our ability to see the road, speak into our hearts, bring on the rain.  On the other side of every dark cloud, there is a blue sky and on the other side of darkness, a sunrise awaits its turn to rise.

At the end of me, there YOU are revealing Your LOVE, Your PROMISE, Your HOPE.  ALL roads lead to YOU.  Proverbs 3:5-6- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.  

The POINT of GRACE is the CROSS.  GRACE is the POINT of LIVING.

Invoking Tears

 Joy, Sadness, Forgiveness, Relief, Grief

I promise not to blog every day or even weekly.  Today was an extremely painful day of reflection invoked by circumstance.  The stronghold of the enemy danced upon my heart, leaving me to ask the question...WHY?   That being said, this post is meant for someone out there.

Some people are simply unable to cry.  Instead, there exists watermarks upon their hearts that invoke emotion brought upon by experiences.  The catharsis of cleansing through tearful expression just does not happen.  For others, weeping is as intuitive as laughter.  It does not necessarily accomplish its purpose for them but it is a subconscious response to circumstances triggering the response to cry. 

The TRUE topic on my heart is NOT this posting.  The content I am convicted to share is not for the faint at heart nor the young who may be following along with me in my posts.  For that reason, I am rebuking my conviction and sharing the alternative.  I simply made the choice not to "share that story." 

Know this, LOSS is TRAGIC and FINAL, particularly when young people are involved.  Falling into the darkness of a lost self is the most treacherous of seasons.  Research confirms, when one lives in physical darkness for days (such as lost in a cave), they go crazy.  Why then, would we think that the darkness in our hearts and mind would not lead us down the same path if we cannot see the light of a new season?

PROACTIVELY PURSUING HIM NOW....Building TRUST, STRENGTH and TRUTH in the WORD NOW ... prepares us to bring forth the mental image upon our hearts and the comforting words to our ears that MAY BE the ONLY directions out of the pit of self we can find when we are at the mercy of the enemy who is prepared to take us down.

Declare the Redeeming Power of Christ and believe in His deliverance, even at the moment of decision.

(Isaiah 43:1-3)   And the Lord said...
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.