Lifted Up!

I was challenged to write a blog for Melissa Taylor's On-Line Bible Study over the book Greater, by Steven Furtick.   Melissa's website is found at MelissaTaylor.org.  The topic of discussion I chose this week is...  Lifted Up!  Steven asks us to consider what has lifted us up to be great"er."  This can be a person or even a scripture.

If you are reading this blog post, you will want to read an earlier post at my blog spot called "Points of Grace."   You will also want to follow the link to House On Oak Street later.  I can honestly say my journey to this Bible study and book, Greater, has been a series of divine interventions leading me to consider where I am in my "Lesser Loser Life" and to reflect upon my viewpoint of my own FAITH in this moment.

A few months ago, I subscribed to a ladies Yahoo group at church.  Upon signing up, I was asked why I wanted to join the group.  Thinking it was an email group for prayer and other sharing, among my elaborate outpouring of who I am in a 250 word limitation, I used the words..."I am broken."   Kaye, a ladies group leader and "one of a few" administrators of the Yahoo group replied to me personally stating that we are all broken.  She found me that Sunday in church and introduced herself to me.  It was after that that the Unglued bible study was offered at church where we studied and shared challenges and praises as discussed the principles and life lessons presented by author, Lysa TerKeurst.   That led me to Proverbs31 Ministries, then to Melissa Taylor On-Line and finally the Greater study!     All POINTS of GRACE along my journey. 

So what is it about Kaye that lifted me up to be greater?  The image above is on her blog@ houseonoakstreet.com.  Note:  Be Grateful.  This is a frame where she took plywood and painted it with chalk paint.  She shares HIS blessings on it through each season.  Kaye is a lady that has not given up on me (nor many others I am sure) during my struggles.  I have shared with her very raw, real and ugly details about my feelings, my story, my inadequacies and where I am as I seek JOY.   She continues to redirect me in doing away with the thoughts that are held captive by the enemy.  The Bible passages, the book suggestions, the constant attention to TRUTHS are all there for me as I look to her and focus on my accountability, prayer and requests to HIM.    Kaye is among the GreatEST!   

2 Corinthians 10:5

We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to HIM.

Steven discusses being the guy "who has had to tangle with insecurities so ugly that some days they make (him) feel like (he is) not even a Christian..."  He goes on to discuss the systematic "sabotage of Gods plan for your life and God's purposes in the world."    I can only say that GOD has brought me to this place, where I stand as who I am.  Getting beyond the self-hate and realizing I'm OK to be used by HIM is a process of obedience, truth and a battle fought in the mind.

I am not sure how it will play out, as Kaye asks me so often "what does that look like?"  I fumble across words that make sense, but honestly I do not have a CLUE what my purpose for Christ looks like.  What the Holy Spirit IN ME feels like.  How to be the LIGHT and JOY that others see.  I am scared that if I can't picture it, I can't achieve it.  AND that I'm not good enough FOR IT.

So this is my prayer...   May HE continue to challenge me, to guide me, and may HE give strength to the Kaye's of the world who would love to be able to just pound into my head...  Don't you just get it?  It really is that simple!

Blessings amidst the storms bring on the sunshine.  What a blessing it is that God LIFTED ME UP with KAYE.  One day, I will pay it forward...I just have to be healthy enough spiritually in the LORD to make the difference for someone.

 

Chains that Bind

The other morning I was walking our 70 pound Golden Retriever in our neighborhood. She has a 20-foot leash to give her room to roam while abiding by the leash law.  Maggie's favorite part of the walk is along the park.  We had been walking for 1.5 miles, typically the point where she slows down and is worn out.  On this particular day, a squirrel crossed her path.  She burst into a run towards it with an unmatched and uncontained energy.  She abruptly stopped when reaching the end of her leash, knowing her limit had been met; however, she pulled and pulled, not listening to my command to halt and leave it.  She was in a tireless PURSUIT of that which she loved- a squirrel.  She yanked me along the path, towards the tree.  Her attention was on everything squirrel.  I finally distracted her to the point where we could continue our walk home. 

I immediately heard a voice whisper to me, "do you pursue Me with the same passion as Maggie chasing after the squirrel?"  Of course, I had to answer it in shame.  I DO NOT.  I had to ask myself what the pursuit of Christ must look like to Him when it is done adequately by individuals.  I jumped to comparisons and excuses.  There are women in my circle who are way BEYOND the foundational understanding of Him.  They already know the measures of a Grace filled life with prayer, The Word, the daily steps to begin in Him and to walk with Him.  I WANT THAT.  I then went to all of the "if only's" in my own life.  If only I did not have a demanding full time job, a disabled mom, kids who were on the go, an attempted balance at being a good mom, wife and career woman, where I fail at every turn because I am a jack of all trades and a master of nothing.  It is like I am SO BOUND to the "busy"ness of the present and the guilt of an unforgiving past that my pursuit of Him is but a blip in my day.  I am chained by a 20 foot leash and my own selfishness is the master of my soul which holds me back from reaching His Cross daily and TOUCHING the INFINITE LOVE of Him.  I simply want to feel Him, to know Him, to love Him, to pursue Him with tireless energy.

Chains that bind...how do we break them?  It is like His grasp is so very close, yet we are pulled back to our boundaries of the world and we just can't hear Him, feel Him, REALLY know Him!   Pursuit of Christ should NOT be during the breaks of life.  Doing life should be breaks between the Pursuit of Christ. 

I am in a Bible study where Priscilla Shirer talks about how we place all of our perceptions, knowledge and experiences about God in a box.  We then place a lid on that box and "compartmentalize Him."  It is our limitation.   We live our lives based upon the three dimensional closed off view of Him. I don't see it the same as Priscilla.   I see God as EVERYTHING outside of the box and ME in the box.  Bounded by walls, enclosed in the dark, tirelessly kicking at the walls to break them, with a glimpse of Him through the tattered cardboard over time as others are looking in on me. I WANT a box with no lid!

Matthew West sings a song called, Forgiveness.  The lyrics weigh on my mind regularly. I've turned his lyrics into reflection, adding my own rendition of thoughts at the end of each line as I lean into Christ and ask Him to set me free from the battlefield of the mind.  I am responsible for allowing the enemy to keep me tied down.  This battlefield of the mind will crumble under the test of time and JOY in HIM will reveal itself...one day.

I do not want to be the prisoner of self.  I want to let His Mercy hold me and praise Him for creating me...I just have to learn to forgive me, to love me, to even like me!

Matthew West - Forgiveness ...

Forgiveness

It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable (I'm unlovable)

Show me how to reach the unreachable (I'm unreachable)

Help me now to do the impossible (Break these Chains that Bind)

Forgiveness

I end this blog with I Peter 1:8.  It is the scripture I carry with me daily in my pursuit of JOY in His mercy, His Love, His Grace:
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy...

May anyone who is bound seek His Grace with me and understand the fullness of His love and His ability that which is beyond measure.  My prayer for you is that you see it too; that you feel Him, know Him, love Him and seek Him in an unbound tireless pursuit and that JOY is there for you when you reach Him too.

Be Still

One of two young boys was in the doctor’s office while my son was awaiting his appointment this week.  Shortly after being called back, we heard the six year old crying and exclaiming he did not want a shot.  The cries became yelling screams and the office staff was bewildered as if an untamable spirit was in the room.  We heard the youngster running around the room, beating the walls upon each round, continuing to scream in his attempt to run away. 

Clearly, I heard “RUNAWAY” as I pondered his situation.  Within a thirty-minute period, the two boys returned into the waiting room as if nothing occurred and everything was “fixed.”

When my son and I went back to see the doctor, we started discussing the activities of the little boy.  The doctor stated that eventually his dad held him in a tight hold.  Once he was still, it took two seconds to administer the shot and his response was, “it was really that easy?  I’m not going to be sick?”

“STILL,” I heard it…the whisper above the white noise in my head.  Psalm 46:10- “Be still and know that I am God.” 

We all go through times where we are just like that little boy.  The RUNAWAY moments may not be physically running from something.  Runaway thoughts are often times more exhausting and dangerous than the physical act of running.  When circumstances are strong holds that cause you to flee, it is important to know that you are running from Grace.   Simply STOP amidst the winds that are ripping through your heart and let Mercy hold you.

BE STILL

RUNAWAY moments that roll into days

Thoughts held HOSTAGE shaking one’s faith

Overwhelming FAILURE repeatedly plays

Hopelessly “GIVING in” to the enemy’s scheming ways

Moments of STILLNESS beneath the Tree of Life

Clinging to the CROSS amidst the noise, the fear, the strife

PRAYERFUL whispers, cast upon leaves in the Wind

Steadfast in FAITH, they find their way to Him

He will move this MOUNTAIN if in the VALLEY you fall

To your knees in praise for the STRIFE in your walk

Praising Him in GLORY for the good, the bad, the all

His LOVE will meet you there; all you have to do is call

Point of Grace

Life is a series of significant "points" along a super highway, a graceful winding road, or the road less traveled.  Often times, the road is navigated by our own free will.  Is it "choice" that determines the "point" of our diversion? Dare we yield to Him?  

The other day I was headed to work.  Somehow, the highway I drive daily blurred before me and my thoughts were taken captive.  I missed my exit.  Taken off guard, I had to navigate back to a familiar road.  In a moment of frustration, it hit me.  How many times have we allowed ourselves to be held captive and missed the exit that Christ designed for us?   Thoughts poured into my head so quickly that I had to pull over and write these words:  Point of Grace.

I see so many people with JOY and immersed in Him and I secretly whisper, "God, I want that."  Their path is pure.  Mine is destructive.  I have uttered the words to my husband, "May we please sell our home and move into a very small home so we can simply breathe again?"  I would quit my job and pour my heart into PEOPLE rather than processes and management.  I would volunteer at the church and school and visit old people in nursing homes.  I would seek Him with FREEDOM in my day and replace the hectic complexities of speed and distraction with the simplicity of "breathing again."  

Everyone has a story to tell... a POINT in their lives filled with tragedy, shame, despair, contempt, hopelessness, pride, selfishness, guilt (and the list goes on).  They missed an exit or the road was suddenly closed.  They wandered into the darkness on a road less traveled.  Each unexpected path a small diversion for most, a lifetime of detours for others and sadly, a dead end for a few.  How then do these diversions become a POINT of GRACE? 

A series of GRACE filled events led me to a recent women's life group where revelations in my life began to unfold. God is so great.  He placed a loving friend in my life to whom I can be accountable; one who extends grace to me and who is teaching me how to yield to Him.  In this process, I determined the last major point at which I did not YIELD, missing the exit that placed me on this current road less traveled.  My dad died of cancer four years ago this December.  Exhaustive "effort" left our relationship without reconciliation and forgiveness.  I can't elaborate on the destructive path that began there, but here is the POINT of GRACE:  The end of me and total surrender to HIM.
Note:  I am still awaiting His revelation on this one.  I TRUST Him, though.  

While I accepted Christ as a child, I am just NOW learning, at 46, the word SURRENDER. There are NO U-TURNS in this journey.  It is simply the trust in HIM, knowing that He is SOVEREIGN in our lives. He knows when we take control and when we allow Him to navigate our hearts.  He stands at the door, all we have to do is open it each day. 

Have you missed your exit? simply pull over and think on this:  What POINT of GRACE is He revealing to you?  ASK and then LISTEN for direction.  How can I count this detour as Joy?  I TRUST You, God, that You know the end and the means to the end and irregardless of the loose gravel, the pot holes, the depths of despair, count it all as JOY.  Every moment of navigation through the dark is as an opportunity for people to see YOUR light through it.  When the storms inhibit our ability to see the road, speak into our hearts, bring on the rain.  On the other side of every dark cloud, there is a blue sky and on the other side of darkness, a sunrise awaits its turn to rise.

At the end of me, there YOU are revealing Your LOVE, Your PROMISE, Your HOPE.  ALL roads lead to YOU.  Proverbs 3:5-6- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.  

The POINT of GRACE is the CROSS.  GRACE is the POINT of LIVING.

Invoking Tears

 Joy, Sadness, Forgiveness, Relief, Grief

I promise not to blog every day or even weekly.  Today was an extremely painful day of reflection invoked by circumstance.  The stronghold of the enemy danced upon my heart, leaving me to ask the question...WHY?   That being said, this post is meant for someone out there.

Some people are simply unable to cry.  Instead, there exists watermarks upon their hearts that invoke emotion brought upon by experiences.  The catharsis of cleansing through tearful expression just does not happen.  For others, weeping is as intuitive as laughter.  It does not necessarily accomplish its purpose for them but it is a subconscious response to circumstances triggering the response to cry. 

The TRUE topic on my heart is NOT this posting.  The content I am convicted to share is not for the faint at heart nor the young who may be following along with me in my posts.  For that reason, I am rebuking my conviction and sharing the alternative.  I simply made the choice not to "share that story." 

Know this, LOSS is TRAGIC and FINAL, particularly when young people are involved.  Falling into the darkness of a lost self is the most treacherous of seasons.  Research confirms, when one lives in physical darkness for days (such as lost in a cave), they go crazy.  Why then, would we think that the darkness in our hearts and mind would not lead us down the same path if we cannot see the light of a new season?

PROACTIVELY PURSUING HIM NOW....Building TRUST, STRENGTH and TRUTH in the WORD NOW ... prepares us to bring forth the mental image upon our hearts and the comforting words to our ears that MAY BE the ONLY directions out of the pit of self we can find when we are at the mercy of the enemy who is prepared to take us down.

Declare the Redeeming Power of Christ and believe in His deliverance, even at the moment of decision.

(Isaiah 43:1-3)   And the Lord said...
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Seasons of Change

I was walking last night and happened upon my favorite tree, the Chinese Pistachio.  In the spring it is such a beautiful tree, one whose color glistens in the sun. Amidst an ever so subtle breeze, the leaves were falling to the ground as if tearfully whispering "change is here." I was startled; as I had been too busy admiring the crisp air, the beautiful stars and the comfortable temperatures in the darkness of the night to "catch the season changing."

This once beautiful tree, amidst the season of change, seemed in a bit of distress.  I could hear its anxious movement in anticipation of winter's bitter influence.  The leaves were faded and the limbs slightly droopy as if to bow down its head in a moment of prayer.  Right beside that tree stood an evergreen.  The mighty oak was almost laughing at the pistachio because it would remain armed throughout any season, an untouchable force to be reckoned with.  The oak is my husband’s favorite tree; one that stands tall and strong with the ability to withstand the seasons.  A long lived oak captures the heart of the wanderer in its majestic stance. 

It was then I recalled a question presented in the very last session of a recent bible study, "what is your season of life?" My point to ponder became “who AM I in the seasons of life?”  Am I the mighty oak remaining ever green with a hard exterior or the gentle pistachio destined to give in to the harsh winter season?   

I evaluated that moment in the battlefield of my mind.  I determined that the tree, withstanding the force of winter in its own skin, maintains a protective cover so as not to shed the old.  It does not embrace the change, rather it stands firm through it.  The Oak grows slower through the years, leaves always green and scarred, but constant.  

Then there is vulnerable pistachio tree whose leaves fall to the ground, surrendering its being, shedding the old and trusting God to awaken it again.  It will arise in the next season taller, stronger, and full of new growth.  It will have embraced the winter and flourish in blooms and color throughout each season of the year.  It will never be as tall or as strong as the oak, but it will experience a new awakening on the heels of faith throughout the most difficult of seasons.

Seasons invoke the core being of who we are within each of them.  The choices are to surrender or to embrace each season; however, being faithfully true to His blessings in each season means that we are learning to “embrace the surrender” and to emerge as a hybrid of the oak and the pistachio.  The blue sky lurks in the shadows of the storm and the loneliness of the night holds back the sunrise.  Either way, there will be blue skies and a beautiful sunrise.  It is His promise.  Bring on the rain and the storms of life, for it is through them that we can emerge on the other side loving the sunshine and warmth.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1, we are challenged with God's Word: "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven."  Even the oak that stands firm in the winter will be challenged in a season of drought or in hurricane force winds.  Will the mighty oak be prepared for change because it stands proud against change rather than embracing it?  As you face spiritual or life’s hardships, think on Christ, as found in II Corinthians 12:10:  "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

Where are you in your life season...your spiritual season?   What has God delivered you from or when have you persevered in faith and He has made you stronger?  What tree do you choose to be in the seasons of change?  I would love to hear from you!